Originally Answered: Grammar/ Opinion: Does this sentence sound good? (Or make the sentence sound better) Any help is welcome?
It depends on what your intent is. If you're trying to impress someone stuck in academia, it's good. If you want to impress any other reader, get ride of the passiveness. Look for uses of inactive verbs (am, are, WAS, were, had, HAS, etc.) If that's all the verb in that part of the sentence, it's a passive sentence.
In your case, "Inequality among men was the central cause..." Was = passive.
So, now how do you make that active? This doesn't work all the time. (But then again, inactive verbs aren't always truly passive.) But, if you switch the object (Haiti) with the subject (Inequity among men), you can usually find a more active verb, and make the sentence clearer.