How is my writing entry?
Topic: How to write a standing order
June 17, 2019 / By Asia Question:
He had dark hair and a strange tattoo on his chest. With my eyes shut tight, I pressed my trembling hand to my forehead. How could my palm still hold the iciness of the floor yet be sticky with sweat? When I looked back to the room, there was only a slight difference in my vision—the room was still odd. Darker than before. Spinning a little too. But I could see the man more clearly now. The man was actually younger than I first thought—about my age. But I must have hit my head pretty hard because his tattoo was still glowing.
For this entry I had to use the word SLIGHT. Any CC at all would be great bc it motivates me to keep writing somehow.
All my entries so far:
If they're so lazy that they need to steal from other people, they'll never finish the story anyway..
Besides, if they need to take credit for another person's writing, they're own writing must really stink so I'm really not worried about it. Especially because this is just a writing exercise..
Trillian Beeblebrox: Thanks for the CC! I will try to clean it up a bit and use your suggestions as a guide. (This is taking place in a diner after closing hours, so when the man walks in it startles her and she hits her head on the counter. To read all I have so far: http://www.worthyofpublishing.com/chapte...
Oops that link was broken
Best Answers: How is my writing entry?
Vena | 4 days ago
Nice description although I'm not sure where to envision this happening. If this is the beginning, it would help to add that and if it's not I apologize. One thing stood out for me a little too much - in the end it says the tattoo was still glowing, but it hadn't been mentioned as glowing before. It just said strange. Also, the palm of her hand wouldn't be sticky with sweat - it would be her forehead itself. I'm still not sure how to envision the room or how she can see it more clearly when it's become darker. Perhaps more detail is in order there? I'm also curious how far away the man is and what he's doing and especially what's happening to her. It seems like a hallucination - is that what you're going for? It's an intriguing piece, so it makes me curious. A little editing tip is to look for words that repeat like 'the man' and change it up. 'He was actually younger' would flow a little better and I think it would really help if you tried not to start too many sentences with 'But.' It's a gray area grammar-wise, not terrible grammar in writing if it flows, so just try not to do it often.
I enjoyed the piece though, so keep it up and good luck!
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it's not a good idea for you to put up your work on sites like this, go ask your freinds and family. You might get your work stolen this way
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