Would you consider this emotional or verbal rape?
Topic: How to write a touch base email
June 17, 2019 / By Buz Question:
i have been in a long distance relationship for about 2 1/2 years. we have had our problems for the last year or so and they seemed to have peaked.
not to get into a lot of detail, we got into an arguement and she kept telling me 'you don't care' (which she knows i do) and 'it doesn't matter' (which she knows it does) and things like that. i asked her nicely to not speak to me like that. she knows those things (and the others) aren't true and i felt it demeaning, negating of my true emotions, a whole plethra of negative feelings. over and over she would say these things and over and i over i would ask her to not speak to me like that. it was if she didn't hear me at all.
ok, here's my take on it. i need some input please to see if i am correct or being 'nit-picking'.
i believe NO means NO. whether it is physical, emotional, mental, spiritual...NO means NO. i felt like when i kept asking her to stop talking to me the way she did, she wasn't be respectful of my wishes of NO, don't talk to me in that way.
for some time i have been trying to get her to understand about healthy boundaries in relationships, even when we may feel they are extreme, they should be set and then negotiated, or accepted, depending on them specifically. she doesn't seem to get it.
to me, i set a boundary. to me, she ignored that boundary and continued with what feel was emotional and verbal abuse and rape. (if something makes you feel disrespected, violated in any way, even emotionally, etc. i believe that is abuse and rape??)
i finally stopped the conversation. told her i was done with the relationship and that was it. i later wrote her an e-mail explaining that to me, this was emotional and verbal rape and why i felt that way. the e-mail may have been harsh, tho i tried to not be cruel, and told her that maybe she could learn from this that NO means NO and maybe I could learn from this to not stay in abusive situations.
ok... am i way off base here? over-reacting? i really would like some honest input!
thank you very much!
it is impossible to put a years worth of problems into a few paragraphs in this kind of forum. we actully 'broke up' about a week ago, but thought we might be able to reconcile things.
yes, there IS such a thing as verbal rape, look it up online before you make such negative comments, please.
had this been the first time we've been thru this, i might not be so inclined to be insistant on this. we've been having boundary problems for a long time and control issues to the point of me even feeling like i can't call her when i want, but only when she wants to communicate with me. i simply have had enough.
i'll agree i need to aplogize. but i still think i need to stick to my boundaries. any further input, please?
and, no, i'm not offended even by those of you intending to be offensive. i asked for honest input and if calling me 'touched' is your perspective, i won't lose sleep over it.
Best Answers: Would you consider this emotional or verbal rape?
Aldrich | 7 days ago
i dont know what your girlfriend has done or said so i cant tell you if i think you are overreacting.
i know that you need to learn the definition of the word "rape" tho. i mean you cant verbally rape....that doesnt even make sense. what you believe rape is...isnt right. if you go out in the world and talk about your girl verbally raped you....people are probably going to laugh. which makes me wonder, how old are you? you cant just redefine a word like that lol.
sometimes when people are in a relationship for a very long time the boundaries that were there in the beginning disappear. maybe you just need to have some time apart, i mean not talking to each other for a while. i think you probably did more harm than good with that email. you were both upset and you added fuel to the fire. remember, you cant take back an email, its all there in black and white, you cant later on say "oh you misheard me" or deny it at all.
if you dont want to be in an abusive situation and you feel that she is overstepping boundaries, breakup with her.
you wanted honest input, thats what you got, dont get upset over it.
👍 262 | 👎 7
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Originally Answered: What do you think of my poem so far? It's about verbal abuse?
It's very good. I like how descriptive it is and it still leaves a lot of room for the reader to use their own mind to get that mental picture in their head of what's going on. The word choice is great and i think you should keep going with it. You mentioned you had more pieces....Idk if you're going to post them as details or not so I'll check back to your question later to see if there's more.
I can completely relate to what you're say by the way, so you're not alone. My parents are the same way. I was supposed to graduate last school year but was short credits so im doing alternative school to graduate and have no motivation. I'm depressed also, and like you my parents don't believe me. I think you should tell someone. Anyone you can trust. I went into the hospital and told my nurse and she gave me numbers to doctors who can help. My parents know that I'm serious now. You should really do the same if you feel your depression is holding you back in school. Telling someone can help so much and if you need any meds they can give you them to help you feel better. You don't want to be in my situation where you don't get to graduate with your class because you're behind. Let them know it's serious before it gets worse. It might be hard but things usually have to get worse before they get better. Let that be the turning point and know that everything will be okay in the future.
You're a wonderful poet though so I'm sure once you get out of such a dark place you'll find beauty in the world to write about and can express that through your poetry if that's a hobby of yours.
Back to your original question though, I think the poem is great so far :)
Often when people say "You don't care" and "It doesn't matter" it's not in a way of attacking you or mistrusting your love, they say it because they are afraid of loosing you. The fact that her simply repeating it made you leave only confirmed her fear. I don't mean to attack you by saying this by the way. I'm just offering my honest advice. It definitely isn't verbal or emotional rape, that is far to harsh of a context. Sentences like those that she spoke are ones of completely insecurity. Long distant relationships, as I am sure you completely know, are really difficult and trying on people. Because she cannot physically see you telling her "these things are not true" she can let her insecurities misguide her.
From how you took it, I don't know if there is any chance of reconciliation. This wasn't verbal rape by any means. Some long distance relationships are just too hard to upkeep.
From my honest standpoint, I do think you owe her an apology at the least. At least is seems that way from the information you've given us. People shouldn't be scorn for their insecurities. If you're relationship isn't working, it just isn't working. Telling her that her insecurities are the reason it's over will only make her more insecure in her next relationships, which no one deserves.
I hope you find a way to communicate with each other, even if it is completely platonic. They way you've left things will only leave both of you emotionally distraught.
👍 110 | 👎 -1
No, there is not any such component as emotional rape. there is rape, and there are different kinds of abuse. this does not make the different types any much less undesirable, although like each and every words, rape is a enormously for sure defined be conscious, and could purely be used in the impressive context.
👍 104 | 👎 -9
you need to get some help, I hope you aren't making any bombs or coating the inside of you house with tin foil. And this was all over the phone ? to be honest you both sound a bit "touched" in the head.
👍 98 | 👎 -17
rape is a sexual assault on your person. NO means NO is for actual assaults and coersions into things you dont wanna do. NOT things you dont wanna hear. abuse, maybe, but your not helpless. stop talking to her. your fine and your putting to much thought(and getting too much wrong) into it so just tell her to shut it and move on with your life. its like PDA or roadkill. dont like it? ignore it.
👍 92 | 👎 -25
Originally Answered: Hows this Poem I wrote about Verbal Abuse?
Though you need to practice more to hone your writing skills, you show a lot of promise with this type of poem. I like the addition of the cable guy, makes it more realistic. And writing about abuse without sounding whiny is hard. You do that very well here. Kudos!