Originally Answered: How can I get my dad to be more open to me dating?
OK, how can you convince your Dad to let you do whatever you wanna do???? Good luck with that… it’ll never happen.
When you were 7, would your Dad have allowed you to play on the freeway just because you wanted to? No? Gee, why not?
It’s up to both of your parents to decide the dating issue as long as you’re under 18. It doesn’t matter what your friends or anyone on this board thinks. Your parents are 100% responsible for taking care of you, feeding you, housing you, protecting you, and they pay all of the bills. They get to decide all of the rules... including when you can date.
Period. Case closed.
When you are 18, then you will be a legal adult. If you don't like your parent's rules, then you can get a job, move out, and pay all of the bills yourself (rent, taxes, food, clothing, car & car repairs, car insurance, gasoline, health insurance, dental, utilities, phone, cable, movies, dating, music, shampoo, make-up…).
But since you are focused on dating issues right now, let's discuss those issues... plus a few more.
T.e.e., it's certainly OK for you to ask questions about why things need to be a certain way. Your question about dating is completely healthy and normal, and so is your desire to date.
However, consider this: Do you think that kids at age 12 should be allowed to drive a car on the public roads with the rest of the adults? Just because they want to drive? No, me either. Driving a car is very dangerous, and it requires responsibility and good judgment. The DMV gets to decide how old a person must be to get a driver's license.
Just like driving a car, dating is also an adult activity. It requires responsibility and good judgment. So, your parents get to decide when you can start dating.
On a quiet evening, start talking to your Mom or Dad. They'll likely be happy to talk to you about boys.
Since you wanted some advice, here are some examples of both good and bad methods of communicating with your parents…
"Hey… Bee, Cee, and Dee are already dating and kissing. I wanna date too!!"
"I'm mature enough to date!!!"
"Stop treating me like a baby!!!"
Then stamp your feet, storm off to your room, slam the door, and pout for several hours.
"Dad, can you tell me about how you and Mom first met? What did you do on your first date?"
"Maybe it's good that I'm not dating yet. Dee was in tears last week about her BF… he's acting like a creep. Mom, how can I spot a creep?"
"At what age were you allowed to date, Mom?"
"My plan is to save myself for marriage, and the other girls laughed at me. But won't saving myself for marriage be a good way to weed out the jerks and losers, Mom?"
"A senior girl said I won't be able to keep a guy interested without sex. I don't believe her, because no decent guys will date her… only creeps ask her out. I only wanna date decent guys, Dad."
"Hey Mom… when do you think I can go on my first date? You can meet whoever the guy is before we go out."
Listen to your parent's input. Don't respond immediately to their comments… sit there for a few seconds and then say "Wow, that's good… thanks!"
So, why is your Dad over-protective?
Probably because your parents know that there are some guys out there (the smooth players) who will tell a nice girl that he loves her, just to see how far she will let him go with her body. Guys out there who are ready and willing to use you and your body for their own selfish pleasure... and then leave... breaking your heart in the process, and possibly leaving you pregnant... or with an STD (a nasty disease in your private parts). Your parents want to make sure that you are old enough and mature enough when dating to recognize these losers, and say "No".
Your parents also know that you could meet a nice guy and you both really do think that you love each other, and after a few weeks or months you both might be tempted to take off your clothes together... and perhaps have sex. That would be a good way to mess up both of your young lives. Your parents want to make sure that you are old enough to resist this type of temptation... and the temptation can be very strong.
Your parents know that having sex when you are not married is simply wrong. They know that having sex too early will make you feel sad, cheap, and make it less special.
Take a quick look at a random selection of the questions from girls in this category... a significant number of problems here directly involve premarital sex... coupled with immaturity, foolish expectations, and invalid assumptions.
Your parents realize that unless a young girl and her Romeo already know each other pretty well, the typical proclamations of "commitment" made in the darkness when a they are first alone together are generally worthless. Will you be wary of those proclamations? Commitments need to last more than one evening and be proclaimed publicly, in front of family and friends... not in the darkness or in the heat of passion (although any proclamation made by a player is automatically invalid regardless of where or when it is made).
T.e.e.... crushes/love/kissing/sex are wonderful intimate expressions that can all be compared to fire.
Both intimacy and fire can be dangerous if used improperly. Your parents are old enough to use fire safely (such as an outdoor BBQ gas grill), and they are also old enough to handle intimacy properly.
Just like you are not allowed to play with fire... you and some Romeo should not be seriously dating or intimately kissing too young... because that type of intimacy naturally leads to sex.
When used improperly, fire can cause serious damage. Intimacy, when used improperly, can also cause serious damage... such as heartache, pregnancy, and STD's.
Your parents don't want you to get burned, T.e.e..
Always call the Fire Department (your parents) for assistance if a problem with fire (intimacy) develops... no matter how small the problem might appear to be. Small problems can quickly become large problems if they are not handled properly.
Your parents want you to date nice guys who will treat you with dignity and respect while you are having innocent fun together during your youth. Honorable guys who would not ask you to do anything inappropriate.
Long term, your parents want you to find a special guy who will be honorable and be very good to you as you grow into a decent young woman. A guy who will be proud to take you home to meet his parents and his family. A guy that you would be pleased to take home to be introduced to your parents and family. A guy who will ask for your hand in marriage. A guy who is honorable and is willing to stand together with you in a wedding ceremony before both of your families in church.
T.e.e., you don't want a guy who is not honorable and just wants your body... for a while... and then he would be gone. That is much more likely to happen if you start dating too early… or sneaking out of your house.
And, you do not need to rush things. Enjoy your youth. Don't worry if your friends are all "hooking up"... you don't need to do any of that nonsense. Your friends have probably already experienced severe heartache and shed bucketloads of tears… problems that you have avoided thus far.
Your parents know that you will be really happy when your are older, and you look back over your life... happy that you made the right decisions about these issues when you were young... because you were mature enough to make the right decisions.
That's the big picture your parents are probably looking at here, T.e.e..
Can you see the dating issue a little bit from your parent's perspective now? If so, then you're ready to discuss dating issues with one or both of them in a logical and rational manner… not to get them to let you start dating immediately, but to confirm that you understand their concerns are valid.
If both of your parents genuinely see that you're mature and have an excellent set of values (they won't really know what your feelings and values are unless you all have an honest discussion), then they might ease up a bit on the dating restrictions. Simply proclaiming “I’m mature” won’t cut it… your past behavior, attitude, and discussing your values in detail will be what your parents use to judge your maturity.
Now, go and give your Dad a big hug. Thank him for caring enough about you to set limits.
Take care and God bless,
P.S. - If you are looking to have a good High School experience... including the BF part... then it would be a good idea for you to join sports teams at school. There will be less free time for you to dwell on BF and dating issues. Plus, you'll be in good shape, and you'll look cute in the competitive outfits at the games. Guys are absolutely fascinated by female athletes, and love seeing them in shorts and t-shirts... with minimal make-up... and they won't care if you are sweaty and your hair is a bit messed up. No kidding. You'll have more boys looking at you than you ever thought was possible. And your wardrobe costs??? Essentially zero! In addition, your Coach will be around to keep an eye on you and give good advice if you need it.
Finally, you'll develop more self esteem, confidence, self control, better judgement, and you'll be much less likely to get into trouble. You'll be stronger mentally, and any BF relationships that develop will be more stable. Guaranteed 100%.