Dating: What would you do?

Dating: What would you do? Topic: How to write a paper in one night college
July 16, 2019 / By Calvin
Question: I'm 26 and my partner is 24. We have been together for 7-8 months now. We get along very well. I'm Black American and he is a Kenyan student on a visa. He's been in America for 5 years. We really do not have many problems. His friends, cousins and roommate knows me and we all hang out alot. My brother knows him and my parents know about him, but he hasn't met my parents and his parents and siblings are in Kenya. He told me he was a student when we first met and he told me he wanted or tried joining the military go citizenship. He never pushed me for marriage or anything because my prior boyfriend was Kenyan. Anyways, one night, a few months ago, he was drunk and I asked why he wanted to be with me and not with a woman from his tribal background or country and he told me because they usually don't have citizenship in America. They are like him- without papers. I was mad at the implications and he said not to worry about his immigration issue. He will figure it out. So, I called the nearby military recruiting place and they told me they arerent accepting student visas to join He never pushes the issue of marriage and he always tell me that it will happen whenever it does but we should first move in together. So, today I found a few pages of written information going over dollar amounts for a lawyer, filing papers for citizenship, wedding information, the interviewing process and etc in notebook in his room. I don't know how to feel.what should I say or do?
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Best Answers: Dating: What would you do?

Alfrid Alfrid | 3 days ago
It sounds like there are at least three separate issues you need to work through: 1. Does he love you and do you love him? Nothing in your posts indicates that either of you are in love, just that you get along well. Only the two of you know your true feelings. 2. Is he looking to marry a U.S. citizen to gain citizenship? Yes, it does seem that is part of his agenda. 3. Why are either of your considering marriage after seven months together? It seems like you are both rushing a bit. Yes, at 26, you should have enough experience to know whether someone is "forever" material or not, but that doesn't mean you should rush into marriage. 4. Is he in the U.S. illegally and what are the ramifications of that? Your post is unclear as to what is going on, but it seems like this guy came on a student visa that has expired. If he isn't on a student visa going to college, what exactly IS he doing? How is he making a living? If he is in the U.S. illegally, he could be deported -- end of story. My advice is that you do not move in with him or contemplate marriage until you have known him at least a year AND he has sorted out his visa and immigration issues.
👍 94 | 👎 3
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Alfrid Originally Answered: How can I get my dad to be more open to me dating?
Hi T.e.e., OK, how can you convince your Dad to let you do whatever you wanna do???? Good luck with that… it’ll never happen. When you were 7, would your Dad have allowed you to play on the freeway just because you wanted to? No? Gee, why not? It’s up to both of your parents to decide the dating issue as long as you’re under 18. It doesn’t matter what your friends or anyone on this board thinks. Your parents are 100% responsible for taking care of you, feeding you, housing you, protecting you, and they pay all of the bills. They get to decide all of the rules... including when you can date. Period. Case closed. When you are 18, then you will be a legal adult. If you don't like your parent's rules, then you can get a job, move out, and pay all of the bills yourself (rent, taxes, food, clothing, car & car repairs, car insurance, gasoline, health insurance, dental, utilities, phone, cable, movies, dating, music, shampoo, make-up…). But since you are focused on dating issues right now, let's discuss those issues... plus a few more. T.e.e., it's certainly OK for you to ask questions about why things need to be a certain way. Your question about dating is completely healthy and normal, and so is your desire to date. However, consider this: Do you think that kids at age 12 should be allowed to drive a car on the public roads with the rest of the adults? Just because they want to drive? No, me either. Driving a car is very dangerous, and it requires responsibility and good judgment. The DMV gets to decide how old a person must be to get a driver's license. Just like driving a car, dating is also an adult activity. It requires responsibility and good judgment. So, your parents get to decide when you can start dating. On a quiet evening, start talking to your Mom or Dad. They'll likely be happy to talk to you about boys. Since you wanted some advice, here are some examples of both good and bad methods of communicating with your parents… Bad: "Hey… Bee, Cee, and Dee are already dating and kissing. I wanna date too!!" "I'm mature enough to date!!!" "Stop treating me like a baby!!!" Then stamp your feet, storm off to your room, slam the door, and pout for several hours. Good: "Dad, can you tell me about how you and Mom first met? What did you do on your first date?" "Maybe it's good that I'm not dating yet. Dee was in tears last week about her BF… he's acting like a creep. Mom, how can I spot a creep?" "At what age were you allowed to date, Mom?" "My plan is to save myself for marriage, and the other girls laughed at me. But won't saving myself for marriage be a good way to weed out the jerks and losers, Mom?" "A senior girl said I won't be able to keep a guy interested without sex. I don't believe her, because no decent guys will date her… only creeps ask her out. I only wanna date decent guys, Dad." "Hey Mom… when do you think I can go on my first date? You can meet whoever the guy is before we go out." Listen to your parent's input. Don't respond immediately to their comments… sit there for a few seconds and then say "Wow, that's good… thanks!" So, why is your Dad over-protective? Probably because your parents know that there are some guys out there (the smooth players) who will tell a nice girl that he loves her, just to see how far she will let him go with her body. Guys out there who are ready and willing to use you and your body for their own selfish pleasure... and then leave... breaking your heart in the process, and possibly leaving you pregnant... or with an STD (a nasty disease in your private parts). Your parents want to make sure that you are old enough and mature enough when dating to recognize these losers, and say "No". Your parents also know that you could meet a nice guy and you both really do think that you love each other, and after a few weeks or months you both might be tempted to take off your clothes together... and perhaps have sex. That would be a good way to mess up both of your young lives. Your parents want to make sure that you are old enough to resist this type of temptation... and the temptation can be very strong. Your parents know that having sex when you are not married is simply wrong. They know that having sex too early will make you feel sad, cheap, and make it less special. Take a quick look at a random selection of the questions from girls in this category... a significant number of problems here directly involve premarital sex... coupled with immaturity, foolish expectations, and invalid assumptions. Your parents realize that unless a young girl and her Romeo already know each other pretty well, the typical proclamations of "commitment" made in the darkness when a they are first alone together are generally worthless. Will you be wary of those proclamations? Commitments need to last more than one evening and be proclaimed publicly, in front of family and friends... not in the darkness or in the heat of passion (although any proclamation made by a player is automatically invalid regardless of where or when it is made). T.e.e.... crushes/love/kissing/sex are wonderful intimate expressions that can all be compared to fire. Both intimacy and fire can be dangerous if used improperly. Your parents are old enough to use fire safely (such as an outdoor BBQ gas grill), and they are also old enough to handle intimacy properly. Just like you are not allowed to play with fire... you and some Romeo should not be seriously dating or intimately kissing too young... because that type of intimacy naturally leads to sex. When used improperly, fire can cause serious damage. Intimacy, when used improperly, can also cause serious damage... such as heartache, pregnancy, and STD's. Your parents don't want you to get burned, T.e.e.. Always call the Fire Department (your parents) for assistance if a problem with fire (intimacy) develops... no matter how small the problem might appear to be. Small problems can quickly become large problems if they are not handled properly. Your parents want you to date nice guys who will treat you with dignity and respect while you are having innocent fun together during your youth. Honorable guys who would not ask you to do anything inappropriate. Long term, your parents want you to find a special guy who will be honorable and be very good to you as you grow into a decent young woman. A guy who will be proud to take you home to meet his parents and his family. A guy that you would be pleased to take home to be introduced to your parents and family. A guy who will ask for your hand in marriage. A guy who is honorable and is willing to stand together with you in a wedding ceremony before both of your families in church. T.e.e., you don't want a guy who is not honorable and just wants your body... for a while... and then he would be gone. That is much more likely to happen if you start dating too early… or sneaking out of your house. And, you do not need to rush things. Enjoy your youth. Don't worry if your friends are all "hooking up"... you don't need to do any of that nonsense. Your friends have probably already experienced severe heartache and shed bucketloads of tears… problems that you have avoided thus far. Your parents know that you will be really happy when your are older, and you look back over your life... happy that you made the right decisions about these issues when you were young... because you were mature enough to make the right decisions. That's the big picture your parents are probably looking at here, T.e.e.. Can you see the dating issue a little bit from your parent's perspective now? If so, then you're ready to discuss dating issues with one or both of them in a logical and rational manner… not to get them to let you start dating immediately, but to confirm that you understand their concerns are valid. If both of your parents genuinely see that you're mature and have an excellent set of values (they won't really know what your feelings and values are unless you all have an honest discussion), then they might ease up a bit on the dating restrictions. Simply proclaiming “I’m mature” won’t cut it… your past behavior, attitude, and discussing your values in detail will be what your parents use to judge your maturity. Now, go and give your Dad a big hug. Thank him for caring enough about you to set limits. Take care and God bless, - Charlie P.S. - If you are looking to have a good High School experience... including the BF part... then it would be a good idea for you to join sports teams at school. There will be less free time for you to dwell on BF and dating issues. Plus, you'll be in good shape, and you'll look cute in the competitive outfits at the games. Guys are absolutely fascinated by female athletes, and love seeing them in shorts and t-shirts... with minimal make-up... and they won't care if you are sweaty and your hair is a bit messed up. No kidding. You'll have more boys looking at you than you ever thought was possible. And your wardrobe costs??? Essentially zero! In addition, your Coach will be around to keep an eye on you and give good advice if you need it. Finally, you'll develop more self esteem, confidence, self control, better judgement, and you'll be much less likely to get into trouble. You'll be stronger mentally, and any BF relationships that develop will be more stable. Guaranteed 100%. .

Tamsen Tamsen
The military would not tell you that they allow student visas holder to join. Because they don't. Unless you made the entire story up which I think is possible, he most likely does not have a student visa since he probably stopped being a student some time back. Since the details really don't match up I think you made the story up anyway, so you don't need to do anything.
👍 30 | 👎 -5

Richarda Richarda
He's a student? Have you actually seen him studying? Did you see any textbooks or study materials in his room? After five years he should be nearly done with his degree -- have you asked him about that? This raises so many red flags, particularly his admission that he wants a woman with American citizenship. The odds are good that he is looking for a gullible American woman willing to marry him (and possibly support him) so that he can get American citizenship. That's also why you get along so well. He isn't willing to do or say anything that will disrupt the relationship before he is able to get permanent status. Please be careful with this guy.
👍 28 | 👎 -13

Milly Milly
If he has been in the US for 5 years, question whether he really has a student visa & whether he is still in full compliance with visa conditions - studying full-time. And you already know he is ONLY with you to get you to sponsor his immigration. He's a fraud, and you know it. You have already seen the proof. He's a liar, and you know it. You have already seen the proof. Ditch him & get him out of your apartment. Marriage fraud - which is exactly what he intends - makes YOU subject to 5 years in prison (can be up to 10 yrs depending on charges) + $250,000 fine. And stop dating foreign students, especially those from any African country, India, Pakistan, etc. - all of which have extremely high rates of such fraud. The vast majority of foreign students from such countries intend backdoor immigration or Scam-Migration. They even committed fraud to get that student visa to begin with! Don't risk your future on them.
👍 26 | 👎 -21

Lilianne Lilianne
You know exactly what he is doing, if he wasn't with you he would be finding another American to marry... I suggest you ask him about his 'student visa' as I doubt very much he even has one
👍 24 | 👎 -29

Lilianne Originally Answered: Need help on dating site?
People will only message back if they are interested. If they are at all attractive they will get up to 200 messages a week from guys and may message back one of them. But it works the other way as well I did online dating before (I met my ex husband online) and might only get 1 response from every 100 messages I sent to men. Of those who responded, only 1 out of 10 would then agree to meet up It's because there are too many people on most dating sites that people become extra picky when they have such a big choice Also pay attention to your message. If a guy just wrote to me "You're pretty. I'd like to talk to you" I would ignore it as they obviously had not read my profile or anything about me and were just commenting on my looks. If they wrote a long message about their entire life, they sounded a bit psycho. You have to comment about something specific in their profile to get a girl's interest, not comment on her looks. Also ask a question that she can respond to. So look at her interests and say something specific like "I see from your profile you are a Dr Who fan. Who is your favorite Doctor?" or "I see you like to travel in Thailand. Me too. Where did you go on your last trip?" or "I can't believe I found another person who loves xx author/book/movie/etc (if it's something unusual). How did you first hear about it/him/her?" And if you don't get a response then move on. My brother was online for more than a year before he met his wife and would send thousands of messages wihtout a response - and he's a tall, good looking, well educated guy with a high paying job which most people assume are the things girls go for. But it's just that there is so much competition online. Unlike a bar where there might be 50 guys all trying to get one girl's attention, online there might be 5000 guys all trying to get that girl's attention

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