My husband talks to me in a way I don't like. am I too sensitive or is he too harsh?
Topic: Different ways of problem solving
June 24, 2019 / By Chip Question:
My husband came home from work tonight and was upset with me because I went and voted today without him.
Last week he told me he wasn't going to early vote because he may change his mind at the last minute. I am a literal person, so I took him seriously. Last night he told me "I am going to go vote tomorrow. I didn't want to wait around for him and then be let down if he did it without me (because he could have done it anytime today) and I couldn't have found out if he wanted to go with me because if I text or call him when he is at work he doesn't respond.
When I told him why I misunderstood him he told me I am a "f**k**g idiot" and I should use my head. I told him (and have repeatedly told him in the past) that I don't like it when he talks to me that way. I kept trying to explain myself (never raising my voice and staying calm), but he continued to be angry and then told me to shut the f**k up. He said that I call people idiots (although I don't say it about people I love like he does) and he just puts a "f**k**g" in front of it, so it is no different. He says "f**k**g password" and "f**k**g car" so that is just the way he talks. Since that is just the way he talks, he says I just need to man up because there is nothing wrong with it.
He never used to talk to me like this, but it started about a year into our marriage.
I am not much of a cusser. I only curse when I am REALLY angry and that is rare. I grew up with a loving and supportive family (who never ever said bad words at all) and he grew up with the opposite but that is not an excuse. I rarely ever cuss at him. I don't put him down ever, I try to build him up and I think he should do the same for me. If I should be "tougher" shouldn't he be more sensitive?
I would like some advice on how to get him to stop because I have tried talking to him and he just doesn't see a problem with it.
He refuses counseling.
Also, he says he calls himself a ******* idiot when he doesn't use his head, so it is fine that he says it to me.
Best Answers: My husband talks to me in a way I don't like. am I too sensitive or is he too harsh?
Amasai | 4 days ago
The fact that he curses isn't really the issue. The fact that he gets mad at you to that capacity over things such as going to vote without him is really the center of the problem. If out of anger he calls you an idiot and tells you that you need to use your head over something so trivial, he didn't even need to use the "f" word to be in the wrong and disrespectful.
I think he has anger issues. The next time that he talks to you like that (whether he curses or not), just tell him that you'll talk to him when he can talk to you in a reasonable way and that nothing will get solved by his name calling or his irrational anger...something to that effect. Go for a walk, go in the other room and do something else, just don't continue the conversation at that time; it will probably just escalate into a worse situation.
👍 196 | 👎 4
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Originally Answered: What do they mean when they say, "on eve of talks"?
U.S., Russia, China, Britain, France and Germany are shortly to begin talks with Iran regarding Iran's Nuclear ambitions and this week before the talks Iran has announced they're mining their own uranium so needn't depend on others for it.
Honey please "Man up?" then marry a man. Try writing everything in a letter ok. Nicely sweetly if this doesn't work, Maybe counselling? This guy needs to see that what he is doing is really bothering u dear.
Can anyone else drop a hint to him, You are a lady, maybe he could "curb" his animalist tendencies?
Even if He refused Counselling doesn't mean YOU can't go??? At least you would be able to get a couple of pointers on how to handle each individual situation as it progresses & just maybe it would give you a bit more self esteem so you could see this is abuse..........
If sweet won't work Firm must. You already know this tho.
Tough call here, good luck with the cave man
NOT a guy to CONFRONT DO NOT CONFRONT HIM.
That is why I recommended sweetly, nicely, ok?
Calm & Orderly.
That is how he MUST be handled.
YOU both have a Serious communication Problem I stand by writing it down First. Then Discuss IT. CALMLY
👍 80 | 👎 -4
Ok, try this: The f**k does matter because it makes you feel extra bad, so clearly, it is not the same as just calling someone an idiot. Secondly, yelling and screaming at you clearly isn't help anyone and, again, makes you feel worse. He should care about it making you feel bad if he really cares about you. Misunderstandings happen and if he can't grow up about dealing with them, you'll just have both of you go to a marriage counselor to help him work through this or, frankly, the marriage won't work long term. He'll probably curse and rage for awhile about this. Just stand up and let him know you will not be treated like dirt, so if he can't find a way to do that on his own, those are his options.
👍 77 | 👎 -12
Reason aside, this man should never talk to you in this manner. If I were a vindictive person, I would say, next time he walks in the house, just start calling him the f-in ******, call him a mother-f-er, cuss that man up one side and back down the other, but since I'm not a vindictive person, I won't suggest you do that.
This man not only has no respect for you but he has none for himself and I believe it may be time for an ultimatum. He either stops using that type of language when talking to you or you tie him to the bedpost and leave him there for a day or two.
Just please tell me that you don't have kids in this house with you, because now he's just made me angry. Put him on the keyboard, I want to have a chat with him.
👍 74 | 👎 -20
No, he is in the wrong here, not you.
"You're a f*cking idiot" and "Shut the f*ck up" wasn't part of the plan when you got married so why should you accept it now?
It's pretty much a sign of ultimate disrespect, and it's humiliating.
You're right - the way he was brought up was not an excuse.
I have been brought up with swearing and I swear more than I should to be honest, but I would never dream of speaking to my partner or anyone I love like that. It's disgraceful.
You've already tried speaking to him, so maybe a break would be better for you both - he needs to realise that you don't deserve to be spoken to like that.
Did you know it is classed as verbal and emotional abuse? Which is now being taken as seriously as domestic violence?
He is the one being too sensitive here, getting all worked up over something petty like you voting without him. He's being so childish and pathetic about it.
You're clearly upset - don't put up with his bullsh*t behavior.
👍 71 | 👎 -28
Originally Answered: It irks me when he talks about his ex-girlfriend?
Tell him you prefer NOT to hear anymore about the girl. If he continues...warn him again....if he STILL talks about her. Leave. Seems pretty clear to me you can just tell him. He's not a mind reader and doesn't know what you're thinking so TELL HIM!