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What are some funny Chuck Norris jokes/statements?

What are some funny Chuck Norris jokes/statements? Topic: Case snake grass
June 17, 2019 / By Christian
Question: My friend and I are having a Chuck Norris contest and I am running out of things to say! HELP!!!!!
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Best Answers: What are some funny Chuck Norris jokes/statements?

Ambrose Ambrose | 6 days ago
When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out. # Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it. # Some people like to eat frogs’ legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes. # There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue. # When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald’s because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy’s. # Chuck Norris can’t finish a “color by numbers” because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red. # A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states. # When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn’t get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris. # Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick) # Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through. # When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won’t be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women. # How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? …All of it. # In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald’s in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized. # Chuck Norris CAN believe it’s not butter. # If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes. # Chuck Norris can divide by zero. # The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears. # A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words. # Newton’s Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. # Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It’s called Chuck-Will-Kill. # When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side. # While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium. # Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography. # When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies. # When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part. # Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this “a slow Tuesday.” # Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around. # Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris. # For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one. # Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego. # When taking the SAT, write “Chuck Norris” for every answer. You will score over 8000. # Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink. # When you’re Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face. # Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO. # On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun. # Nobody doesn’t like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris. # Chuck Norris doesn’t throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down! # In the beginning there was nothing…then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said “Get a job”. That is the story of the universe. # Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth. # Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage. # Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined “victim” as “one who has encountered Chuck Norris” # Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one. # Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building. # If you Google search “Chuck Norris getting his *** kicked” you will generate zero results. It just doesn’t happen. # Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds. # Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther’s womb. # Chuck Norris doesn’t bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin an
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Ambrose Originally Answered: Do You think these two statements complement or contradict each other? Why?
These two statements are completely different. The first statement is a deduction of how God is. He is hope of people in despair, like when miracles happen. therefore possibility. He is life-giving, he gave life to the first man with his breath, therefore he is life. However, the statement is half correct, because God is love. due to our previous agreed deduction, we agreed that God's composition is of existance and possibility. What is love? It's a feeling of relating to someone, to care, to nurture. Then, love is something that can live, then love is existing as well. And we said that God is made of existance, therefore he is love. Now, the second statement what it tries to imply is that good and bad go hand in hand. Bad was never meant to exist, because it doesn't give off life. If you analyze, there's not one bad thing that can bring love and life. Bad is just a rebellious factor that tries to attack the good, like one of newton's laws, for every action a reaction. What it also tries to imply is that in order to do good you have to do or know bad. That's somewhat of an allusion to the part in the book of Genesis, in the bible that Eve approached the tree of knowledge, note that I said knowledge ! The devil was wrapped around the tree, that could be an interpretation that all worldly knowledge is somehow linked to the desire of having power, and have the temptation to over do it and do bad things with this knowledge. So what we get from it is that, yes there is evidence that in this world there's a force of good against bad. But it doesn't mean that God contains evil in him.. If you notice, in the world acts of evil are more common than acts of good. Just how the body traps inside a pure essence; the soul right ? Now who gave us that soul? The breath of God did. Therefore, we all have a piece of God inside us. And without a doubt it was God, since us humans are capable of love. And God is love. I sort of drifted off on the topic, but anyways bad doesn't need to exist, because God existed, and he created Satan the source of evil, who originally was an angel! So before satan, God who is good existed peacefully. And by logic there's an obvious evidence that he's omniscient and omnipotent, therefore wisdom which is derived purely from God doesn't need evil to be understood by men. Because it comes from a pure man, who is God and from a pure place, which is heaven. No evil there. While on earth! Men also have at their disposition to achieve knowledge. Which is completely different, which is the science of how to know a certain subject,on earthly cases knowledge is the science of being successful in earth,.while wisdom is knowing how to apply the science of knowledge to achieve a stable and peaceful status on earth to better oneself and prepare to return to that perfect place and our perfect creator, that was the origins of our life. That's my answer ;)

Tikva Tikva
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding. Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
👍 80 | 👎 -2

Rowina Rowina
their are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Chuck Norris, lives in Oklahoma Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only believes in one element, the element of surprise If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
👍 75 | 👎 -10

Nanette Nanette
Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity... he got it back... Chuck Norris doesn't do push ups, he pushes the world down. If Chuck Norris is running late, then time better slow the f*&^% down.
👍 70 | 👎 -18

Lori Lori
curiosity didn't kill the cat chuck norris did just search google for chuck norris jokes and you'll get a ton more
👍 65 | 👎 -26

Lori Originally Answered: C++ Program Help SWITCH statements BASICS?
Looks like you've got it for the most part, you just need to add your other switches. Although you have a problem here: cin >> amount; //Formulas. change = int(amount*100) % 100; dollars = int(amount); cin will give you an ascii string (unsigned char *) type. You are going to have to do a conversion on it. Since you need dollars and cents separate you can do the following: change = 0; dollars = 0; bool doingChange = false; for (int i = 0; i < strlen(amount); i++) { if (amount[i] == '.') doingChange = true; else if (!doingChange) dollars = dollars * 10 + (amount[i] - '0'); else change = change * 10 + (amount[i] - '0'); } What the above is doing is taking each individual element of the string, converting it to a number and then adding it to the current result. Hope that helps.

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