Originally Answered: My OH bought up about me being sexually abused as a child to hurt me?
I'm sorry for what happened both with your "grampy" and with your partner now. It is mean that he brought this up to hurt you, but unfortunately it does happen.
I also had a child abuse issue in my past although different form yours, and my partner knew about it. One time we were having a particularly big fight and he also used it to hurt me, so I can imagine how you feel.
You know your partner, so you probably know if he was "carried away" or if this mean streak is something that comes up habitually. You also know how he makes you feel most of the time and how he treats you and your kids.
COnsider also the exact circumstances of what happened, could it be you hit a sensitive spot unintentionally with your joke? Did he over-react to it?
If what happened was something out of the ordinary and you usually feel loved and respected by your partner, I'd suggest you talk to him and tell him how you felt, how sharing that part of your past with him was an act of trust. He should not use it to hurt you and he should understand how vulnerable and hurt this comment he made made you feel.
I'd also ask why he reacted this way. We all have particularly stupid/angry moments, and some people have skeletons in the cupboard. It could be you accidentally ran into either of them. I believe a good man will understand the seriousness of the issue and not use it again to hurt you.
If he has a tendency to use things against you, if you don't feel as loved or respected as you think you should, go back to your Mom. It seems you have a tough situation, but you should consider what you might be exposing your kids to if you stay with someone who is ready to hurt you so. Such a man might eventually hurt you through your weakest point if he can, and that will be your kids.
For what it's worth, when it happened to me I felt so hurt that I viciously attacked him back. I felt very bad with myself because I loved him so much and I couldn't belive he had used this to hurt me, nor that I had lost control as to fight back with the meanest stuff I could think of.
We talked and I explained how I felt, and although we had some very bad fights after that he never used it again. So in his case it was an isolated event and he cared and respected me enough as to not use it again, not even when we were fighting.
Whatever you decide, I wish you the best of luck.